Horoscopes of Late - Courtesy of The Onion
Taurus -
While all may be fair in love and war, many will come out against your egregious use of nerve gas in both.
The winds of change will blow through town this week, leaving you a hatless victim of the increasingly turbulent times.
Tomorrow will be the perfect day to curl up in bed with a good book and sob hysterically about how you never properly learned to read.
While studies have long found laughter to be good for one's heart, a new medical report will soon reveal it to be unbelievably bad for one's pancreas.
While no proverb currently exists to warn you of the dangers of next week's events, dozens will soon be hastily written to prevent others from suffering a similar fate.
A magical nymph will appear at a most distressing time in your life and offer to help in return for your future first-born son—a hell of a deal considering how heavily you'll drink while pregnant.
While all may be fair in love and war, many will come out against your egregious use of nerve gas in both.
The winds of change will blow through town this week, leaving you a hatless victim of the increasingly turbulent times.
Tomorrow will be the perfect day to curl up in bed with a good book and sob hysterically about how you never properly learned to read.
While studies have long found laughter to be good for one's heart, a new medical report will soon reveal it to be unbelievably bad for one's pancreas.
While no proverb currently exists to warn you of the dangers of next week's events, dozens will soon be hastily written to prevent others from suffering a similar fate.
A magical nymph will appear at a most distressing time in your life and offer to help in return for your future first-born son—a hell of a deal considering how heavily you'll drink while pregnant.
posted by C. at 5:59 PM
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