A Further Response to Fear, Obligation and Regret
On Fear
Other people do these things. What makes them more able than you or I?
On Community and Obligation
I say that we only have the responsibility for those who are not capable of taking care of themselves. Children should not be abandoned and the elderly should not be left to struggle to obtain food and clothing. These are the only obligations I believe that others have the right to expect from us. If you have children, they are your responsibility, no one else’s. You made a choice that led to their existence and it is up to you to see the consequences of your actions through. I realize that there is no choice involved in the inherent relationship with your parents but I can not reason why, if they saw you through your period of struggle in the beginning of your life, that you would not desire to do them same for them if you are able.
Communities are based on the idea that all members of that community wish to serve and gain benefit from that community. They are not static entities. People move in and out all the time for reasons that have little to do with ‘the good of the community’. A teacher, who one would be foolish to exclude as a member of a community, does not refrain from moving away to another location because they are a part of a certain population. They feel free to move on because it is likely that another person is just as eager to take their place as they may have once been to secure it.
I believe the idea of doing things for the good of the community comes from those individuals for whom doing things for others is a driving factor. There are people who really want nothing more than to do good in the world. Bless them, but don’t hold me to their standard. I help those whom I desire to help, just as they do. It is true that one may feel pressured into volunteering for the good of the whole but, again, it is that individual’s decision to do so or not. If she fears being ostracized from the group more than she fears the responsibility of putting in her time as a volunteer, she is likely to become a samaritan.
On Relationships and Compromise
Regret, resentment and living unfulfilled will undoubtedly cause more damage to a relationship than an honest attempt at reconciling the desires of those within the relationship. The bond between individuals is in a constant flux and it should be expected that things might change if both partners are to attain their goals. It is not always possible for two people to remain closely bound together while at the same time remaining free to chase their dreams. The question that many people face without realizing it is a simple one, “Would you rather hold your relationship in an unyielding grasp, thereby awakening the possibility it may collapse under its own weight, or allow it to transform into another form of connection from which you and the other person can still draw support?” Both responses take courage to implement but, in my experience, the laws of inertia tend to dictate the outcome in far too many instances.
On Regret
I believe that regret is part of the human condition. It is unavoidable in our lives. However, I also believe that it is controllable by looking at it objectively. First one must understand that there are two kinds of regret. One is to feel sorrow or remorse for an act perpetrated, a perceived fault, or a disappointment. The other is the reflection upon something lost. It may seem that these two definitions overlap and can easily be mistaken as having the same meaning. The differences become apparent only when one considers what it means for something to have been lost.
When a person makes a decision to hurt someone or to steal something and then later professes their regret they are speaking of the first type. They feel bad for having done that thing they did. This regret is useful in that it informs our future decisions and can help us to become the kind of people we wish we were already. To regret having made the decision to perform the act in the first place is the second type of regret. That decision is lost in time. You cannot go back and undo it. Especially, you cannot suppose to know what the outcomes may have been if you had chosen the other path. It is because of this impossibility that the second type is not of use to us. It cannot teach us anything or inform our future decisions because we, as entities subject to a temporal reality, will never face that exact decision again. It really comes down to regret of the consequences of an act (type 1) and regret of the act itself (type 2). One is worthwhile and the other is not.
A Note: Having learned all I know of the life and writing of Ayn Rand within the last half hour by reading portions of Wikipedia, I must say that it seems as though I am following her ideas about individual freedom and rational self-interest without having realized it. Yeah for friends who cite great minds in their blogs. I look forward to reading more.
Other people do these things. What makes them more able than you or I?
On Community and Obligation
I say that we only have the responsibility for those who are not capable of taking care of themselves. Children should not be abandoned and the elderly should not be left to struggle to obtain food and clothing. These are the only obligations I believe that others have the right to expect from us. If you have children, they are your responsibility, no one else’s. You made a choice that led to their existence and it is up to you to see the consequences of your actions through. I realize that there is no choice involved in the inherent relationship with your parents but I can not reason why, if they saw you through your period of struggle in the beginning of your life, that you would not desire to do them same for them if you are able.
Communities are based on the idea that all members of that community wish to serve and gain benefit from that community. They are not static entities. People move in and out all the time for reasons that have little to do with ‘the good of the community’. A teacher, who one would be foolish to exclude as a member of a community, does not refrain from moving away to another location because they are a part of a certain population. They feel free to move on because it is likely that another person is just as eager to take their place as they may have once been to secure it.
I believe the idea of doing things for the good of the community comes from those individuals for whom doing things for others is a driving factor. There are people who really want nothing more than to do good in the world. Bless them, but don’t hold me to their standard. I help those whom I desire to help, just as they do. It is true that one may feel pressured into volunteering for the good of the whole but, again, it is that individual’s decision to do so or not. If she fears being ostracized from the group more than she fears the responsibility of putting in her time as a volunteer, she is likely to become a samaritan.
On Relationships and Compromise
Regret, resentment and living unfulfilled will undoubtedly cause more damage to a relationship than an honest attempt at reconciling the desires of those within the relationship. The bond between individuals is in a constant flux and it should be expected that things might change if both partners are to attain their goals. It is not always possible for two people to remain closely bound together while at the same time remaining free to chase their dreams. The question that many people face without realizing it is a simple one, “Would you rather hold your relationship in an unyielding grasp, thereby awakening the possibility it may collapse under its own weight, or allow it to transform into another form of connection from which you and the other person can still draw support?” Both responses take courage to implement but, in my experience, the laws of inertia tend to dictate the outcome in far too many instances.
On Regret
I believe that regret is part of the human condition. It is unavoidable in our lives. However, I also believe that it is controllable by looking at it objectively. First one must understand that there are two kinds of regret. One is to feel sorrow or remorse for an act perpetrated, a perceived fault, or a disappointment. The other is the reflection upon something lost. It may seem that these two definitions overlap and can easily be mistaken as having the same meaning. The differences become apparent only when one considers what it means for something to have been lost.
When a person makes a decision to hurt someone or to steal something and then later professes their regret they are speaking of the first type. They feel bad for having done that thing they did. This regret is useful in that it informs our future decisions and can help us to become the kind of people we wish we were already. To regret having made the decision to perform the act in the first place is the second type of regret. That decision is lost in time. You cannot go back and undo it. Especially, you cannot suppose to know what the outcomes may have been if you had chosen the other path. It is because of this impossibility that the second type is not of use to us. It cannot teach us anything or inform our future decisions because we, as entities subject to a temporal reality, will never face that exact decision again. It really comes down to regret of the consequences of an act (type 1) and regret of the act itself (type 2). One is worthwhile and the other is not.
A Note: Having learned all I know of the life and writing of Ayn Rand within the last half hour by reading portions of Wikipedia, I must say that it seems as though I am following her ideas about individual freedom and rational self-interest without having realized it. Yeah for friends who cite great minds in their blogs. I look forward to reading more.
posted by C. at 10:45 PM
1 Comments:
mmmmm... clearly i'm going to have to put a bit more thought into what i write... and funny, because ayn rand was my least favorite in my ethics class.
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